


Tis the Season

by Sunbeam21



Series: coming out (get the party started) [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Food mentions, Human AU, M/M, christmas time mistletoe and panic attacks, crossposting to tumblr, panic attacks warning, virgil kinda misses his parents even w everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:35:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22034167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunbeam21/pseuds/Sunbeam21
Summary: warnings for panic attacks, food, references to homophobic ocsVirgil had a good Christmas.  But it wasn’t his usual Christmas.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Series: coming out (get the party started) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1570327
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Tis the Season

Virgil glared at the tinsel hanging on the bannister of the staircase. Every time he walked downstairs he forgot it was there and it made his hand feel weird. He sighed and headed to the kitchen for coffee. 

"...and Christmas is over now Patton, we don't need tinsel on the stairs." Logan was saying as he entered the room. It sounded as though he'd been having the same problem as Virgil.

"But you can't take down decorations 'til after the 12 days Logan! It's bad luck" Patton insisted, frying eggs as he spoke. "Morning Virge" he threw over his shoulder. Logan nodded an acknowledgement to him too and Virgil grunted sleepily, heading for the coffee pot. 

"Patton sweetheart, I'm sure our luck and future will not be affected if we take down some decorations early" Logan said, continuing the conversation as he put some bread in the toaster. "Other people do it"

"Well, what if in the songs Christmas ended early? What if the 12 days of Christmas song they stopped after day 3? Or 5? Or 8?" Patton asked with a smile. 

"The gift-givers true love would not have ended up with 140 people and 184 animals to accommodate" Loan pointed out with a small laugh at Patton's joke pout. "Although if we are to assume that each of the 8 maids a-milking on each day brought their own animal for milking - a cow or goat say - it's actually 224 animals and really no one has the room to give all these-"

"Alright alright smarty pants!" Patton laughed as they sat down with breakfast, placing a plate in front of Virgil and one at Roman's place too for when he came downstairs. "Point made"

All three were laughing as they began to eat.

"They also wouldn't have ended up with a useless truckload of bubba gump shrimp" Virgil pointed out, pointing his fork in the direction of Roman's usual seat and smirking. 

"I heard that!" Roman said, appearing in the doorway as his dads tried to hide their laughter. "and I told you, that song was amazing and inspired and funny and--"

"Made no sense" Virgil laughed, causing Roman to make his patented Offended Princey Noises as he sat down to breakfast. 

Logan and Patton laughed at their antics and soon enough all four were laughing and joking, falling into easy conversation as they ate.

It wasn't until Virgil and Roman were cleaning the dishes that the subject of the decorations came up again. 

“Can we at least take some of them down Patton?” Logan asked.

“No Lo-Bear, you know it's tradition to keep them up for the 12 days of Christmas” Patton insisted.

Tradition. Virgil’s brain caught on the word.

“It's practically tradition for them to have this “argument”, I swear,” Roman said with a laugh and fond eye roll. “And the decorations stay up until the 7th of January, if not later. We always forget to take some down and-”

Again. Tradition. 

“Virge? Are you okay?” Roman asked, noticing his boyfriend seemed to be tuned out completely, tea towel and plate in hand

“I. uh… I need a minute to myself” Virgil managed to say, suddenly shoving what he held into Roman’s hands

“Okay” Roman said, concern lacing his voice. “Let me know if you need anything” he called after Virgil, as his boyfriend practically ran up the stairs.

\--

Traditions. Virgil ran into the guest room - his room - the word running through his mind. He didn’t know how it had come up sooner. Family traditions. 

His family had traditions. They exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve. Roman and Patton and Logan did it Christmas morning, getting up ridiculously early to open their presents. His dad and he had sat in the living room while his mom cooked the dinner. Patton and Logan did most of the cooking, with Roman and Virgil making some of the small dishes like stuffing or the vegetables. His family had always watched a movie after dinner, his dad falling asleep halfway through and he and his mom laughing while sharing a few chocolates. Logan and Patton and Roman had board games and all four of them had played snakes and ladders and monopoly and scrabble and Cluedo into the evening. 

It had been nice. But different. So different to what he was used to. 

Virgil wondered what his parents had done for the day. Had they still given each other presents on Christmas Eve, or did they wait until the next day? Had his mom cooked everything while his dad read a book or watched tv or did he go help her, now that Virgil wasn’t there to sit with? Did they still watch a movie together, his dad falling asleep and his mom silently opening sweets and watching it by herself, now Virgil was gone?

Did they make themselves new traditions now he was gone?

Virgil hardly noticed the tears streaming down his face until they were landing on the hand he held up to his mouth. He sobbed silently, back up to the bedroom door, hoping no one could hear him. He didn’t think he could handle them right now. 

He knew they were his family now really, Logan and Patton taking him in, Roman loving him with all his heart. But what if that changed? What if Roman broke up with him, found someone more deserving of his love. What if Patton and Logan didn’t let him stay after that, finally glad to get rid of him? What if, what if, what if? 

What if Virgil could breathe properly? He was having a panic attack, he recognised distantly. Annoyed with himself, he opened his eyes - when had he closed them? - and tried to focus on five things he could see. The bed, his Nightmare before Christmas posters, his Doc Martens that Patton and Logan got him for his birthday, the hair dye he planned to put in next week, and Roman’s hoodie. 

Next, four things he can touch. The carpet under his hands was scratchy, the door hard behind his back, his socks, and his jeans. 

Three things he could hear - the music he’d left playing, fall out boy coming on shuffle, cars passing the house, and. And Patton outside the door calling his name gently.

He’d come back to that.

Two things he could smell. That was trickier. His shampoo, and if he really concentrated, the deodorant he’d sprayed earlier. 

And finally, one thing he could taste. He could still taste the coffee from earlier, the bitter taste of black coffee staying strong.

Virgil took a few deep breaths and simply focused on where he was right now.

“Virgil? You okay buddy?” he heard from outside. 

Oh yeah, he thought to himself. Patton. 

“Not really” he mumbled, unsure if Patton would hear him. He stood up and opened the door slowly to reveal Patton by the door, and Logan and Roman standing nearby. 

“Hey” he mumbled, knowing they’d heard him, knowing they could see he’d been crying. 

“Oh, V,” Roman said “Hug?” he offered, holding his arms out. Virgil nodded and all but collapsed onto Roman. “You wanna talk about it?”

“I just. Missed my parents” Virgil said. “I know its kind of stupid, or very stupid, but we had traditions and I missed those and then I was just upset and” Virgil cut himself off, worried he’d start crying again if he continued. 

“There’s nothing stupid about that Virgil” Logan said. 

“We’re sorry we didn’t ask you any of your Christmas traditions kiddo,” Patton said frowning. “We should have thought of that”

“It’s fine” Virgil mumbled. “Really, don’t worry about it guys”

“We’re not worried about it V, we’re worried about you” Roman said. 

“Is there anything we could do now?” Patton asked “Like a tradition or anything?”

“Maybe just watch some Christmas movies?” Virgil suggested.

They headed downstairs and Roman and Virgil chose a movie as Patton and Logan gathered sweets and made popcorn. They all sat and relaxed together, laughing at the movies and joking together. 

And if Virgil fell asleep during the third movie, exhausted from earlier, nobody said anything. They just got him a blanket, and Roman held his boyfriend closer.


End file.
